Pre-Birth Memory No.60
The Starting Point
I'm not sure where to begin with this... I've had before life memories my whole life, but have never been able to find anyone else who has retained memories similar to my own. However, tonight I found this site, and on it, recollections that resemble my own. I am feeling a little bit like I have the pins and needles right now.
In my before life experience I recall seeing the earth beneath me. There were other beings around, but I distinctly remember not seeing them except for with a kind of sight that somehow differs from that of normal sight. Thought itself had a different sort of quality too; more like a psychological state of knowing rather than it is a state of thinking. In me, I could feel my own consciousness and its own connectedness to all the others hanging around. My body was different, but a body nonetheless; a long skinny pillar of cloud (cloud worm?). Stranger stuff still... if I 'pushed' my face into things, it was like I was somehow able to extract information from my surroundings.
The still images that linger in my mind show the world below. It is very different in the fact that it is a hodge-podged, mushed up world, where everything collides with everything. It is like the world around got crunched up into a giant time exposed photograph. I cannot say I remember it as being some kind of time-space continuum of all time, but rather more like segments of time grouped together in like groups of possibilities. Earth itself was a strange curious thing, constantly changing, and full of things to know.
The next few moments (are they moments?) I was in my cloud worm form watching the people that would become my parents as they explored the pyramids of Chitza Nitza. I had come out there already after seeing something that caught my attention, and was looking at it when my parents came walking through the brush. My father had his camera out and ready to take pictures. My mother had a little smile on her face and I noticed the hand she kept on her belly.
Suddenly, I was overcome with a strong sense of yearning, and for that moment, I wanted with all my heart to be a part of their life. Impossible... I continued gazing their way for a little while, but nonetheless, eventually left.
Not before long I was back in my spot far above, I felt a sudden jolt. An overwhelming sense of panic took over as I realized I was falling hard. I screamed, not in words or sound, but with something else that sounded like the word, "NOOOOO!". It was like going down a funnel; the closest feeling you can get to being flushed down the toilet. The walls were suffocating and dark. And got smaller the further down it went.
Somewhere and at some point in this freefall, I realized it was doing something else. I was forgetting things. With every ounce of my being I remember fighting that urge, but eventually it overcame, and next thing I remember, I was on my father's back in the mountains, gazing at the snow.
For most of my life I've carried certain notions of all of this with me, but never had the right words to describe it. I didn't recall any of it in greatest of detail when I was younger, however, I have always retained a great deal of my childhood memories from even the earliest moments and a vague notion of something before. It all came back to me one night when I was drifting on the edge of sleep. I had been recollecting about some of those memories when I was struck with the realization. The moment I saw snow for the first time had always been a starting point, but I had never gone beyond that. When I did, it was almost by accident, and ever since, I've been struggling to understand it better. I don't know what else I can say.
March 20, 2007